Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Things are looking up

Hey everyone. I was hoping to get something posted for you all Sunday night, but I ended up getting buried under a landslide of readings about cannibalism. Fun stuff. Oh the joys of being an anthropology major.

So since last week things have started looking up. I had my last meeting with my counselor. She said that I had learned to pretty much control/counter the physical aspects of the anxiety. I feel pretty good about that. I've learned that anxious thoughts are just thoughts. They're not a divine message or a some sort of intuitive glimpse into the inner workings of the universe they're just a thought, the byproduct of a really complex organ that's capable of amazing things. But regretfully is also capable of being really self destructive and under certain conditions has the propensity to just lose itself.

Learning that has been beyond helpful. I can be introspective and really dig into my thoughts, but there are times when digging in isn't going to be beneficial. If I'm feeling depressed or stressed; pondering the meaning of life isn't going to end well. I'll start out negative, and it's going to be all downhill from there. And existential meltdowns are no fun at all. I consider all this the "how" of my anxiety. The existential questions are the "what" of it. I still think about those, but I only do it on my terms now. I do it when the "how" is capable of handling them.

So have there been any answers to the "what"? I don't know. But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with love, and people, and maybe God.

I grew up believing that God was an active being in the universe. He got involved in peoples lives. We prayed that he would do something, and maybe he would do it. If he didn't it was because he had a plan and we just couldn't see what that plan was. We could prove God's existence. Maybe we still can. But can we prove his involvement? Can we prove that God is an active being in the world? Can we prove that we haven't just been left alone? Can we prove we're not Godforsaken? I don't know. I read a really good ebook about it last week, that hints at some ideas. If it wasn't almost midnight and I wasn't planning on hitting the gym at 5:30 tomorrow I might kick them around for you. If  I remember, I'll do it next time.

In other news, it looks like I'm picking up comedy as a thing I do. I auditioned and got a part in the university's Last Comic Standing competition. I really like writing comedy. I used to do it on this blog, but I think I like stand up more. So if your in the Manhattan area Monday, March 4th come check me out. It'll be a great time.

Peace

No comments:

Post a Comment